Monday, July 8, 2019

FosterKidsUnite, Inc.: Drug Addiction and Foster Care

FosterKidsUnite, Inc.: Drug Addiction and Foster Care: Hi blog family! Its July 8th already! Time is ticking and so much to do!  I challenge you to be bigger, better, smarter than your pa...

Drug Addiction and Foster Care

Hi blog family!

Its July 8th already! Time is ticking and so much to do!



 I challenge you to be bigger, better, smarter than your parents. They were pretty smart but i am sure, there are things, that could be changed in any family with addiction; Delete the people in the families that have caused no return grief; rape, abuse...anything else can be forgiven..We must do better than your grandma and great grandma, (we not as resilient but we can create a new way of doing the bad things that was passed down generations, like: ignoring abuse, accepting your kids watching abuse, walking away due to mental illness, the sickness must stop here.
Make wiser choices, like to stay away from drugs.

I was thinking about drug addiction today and the role it plays on everyone in the family, but especially, the kids.

I was born a heroin addicted baby.  Many addicts feel that if a counselor has not done drugs like them, they cannot help them because they did not go through what they went through. I am here to say, that is far from the truth.
When a parent that lives in the same house as a child wakes up shaking or "dope sick", it is producing signals to the child to also feel sick", stomach in knots from not knowing if you are going to die, or leave them alone again, with no lights, no food no running water.
 Until that parents gets their fix, that child is going through the same physical and mental gymnastics as the addict. Sad part is they usually end up attracting someone they can "take care of", as addict children often end up taking care of the addicts, their siblings or worse, themselves, often responsibilities of  finding food, instead of making mud pies, going into shady buildings, being in the company of shady people, who often pray on children of addicts, and may sometimes use children as a form of payment, (yes, people have sold their babies to pimps, dealer, all to get high), a few found out, after DNA test, others, will never know, as they were babies, just like I dont remember the first time I went into foster care as a toddler.

Drug addiction takes mothers to places even a rat won't go. Drug addiction brings not only the addict to their knees, but the innocent child, who never gets a chance to just be a kid. Alcohol abuse & drug addiction together wreak havoc on families, look at our foster care system and how many babies, kids and teens are being affected by lack of a mom or dad!
 It's good that grandma and auntie "raise you", if momma and poppa can't do it,  but nothing says "you left me" more than NOT being raised with the lady that birthed you! We understand Mr. Heroin and Jack Daniels are powerful, leavings its victims powerless. So go, get the help you need, take as long as you need, I am here waiting.
We  must start being responsible for the life we make, for the hearts that we made beat, for the minds we as parents, were supposed to develop.

We must stop hurting our children and thinking they will grow to be fine law abiding adults without proper love, nourishment and mental stimulation.
We  are minimal without our "tribe"; to pick us up when we fall and dust us off when we need to be put back in line.
The tribe and its leader, mom, lets you know that we are a strong people who made it thus far, nothing and no one can stop us, but drugs, well, that's another story, one in which no one wants to be in, because it never ends well, and its usually starring YOU.

 We must be told we are strong, resilient, beautiful, smart and able. We must be loved by the families we came from. Nothing like knowing the tribe LOVES you and are willing to ride or die for you, not leave you and never come back.
Fostering is better than group home living but, it will never replace mom, dad or family. So family, when you can, step up and step into your family members life.
Children born to addicts that don't come back, lack in the area of confidence, love, self care. Not to say they cannot grow to be fine adults, I as many have figured out therapy is for anyone willing to work, but you always miss MOTHER"S love.

Addiction & foster care,  usually ends with adoption or aging out of foster care on your own, figuring out life, as you go along, suicide, dropping out of school, anxiety, ptsd, legal issues, rehabs. Is it fair

Monday, April 8, 2019

Koffee - Toast (Lyrics) giving thanks for little things



to get more we must always have gratitude, give thanks to the creator every morning you wake!

Tanya

Save the Date: May 30th

Mount Kisco Public Library

Foster Care Awareness Month Event

The Robert Cooper Memorial Scholarship will be awarded to aged-out foster youth

"Citizen of Change Award" given to a former fox lane middle school teacher

Guest Speaker: Lisa Peck Goldberg "The ABC's of Foster Adoption"

Time: 4-5 food reception 5-7 event

100 E. Main St 2nd floor FREE TO THE PUBLIC

*if you would like to have a table or sponsor us please contact: FosterKidsUniteInc@gmail.com


Thursday, February 21, 2019

Remembering Mr. X

Hi blog family!

I had a great birthday, thank you for the wishes, please sign up to our blog and check our website: www.fosterkidsuniteinc.com

Today marks the 54th anniversary of Malcolm X assassination. I remember being born in a time of loss, loss of great men such as Mr. X.
 I always think on my birthday, February 9th,  how, because of Mr. X, I can do anything! Because of him, my hair is beautiful and I am great as me.

Before him, our leaders sat idol and in my eyes did little to stop the horrors of the killings, hangings, and mistreatment of black folk.
 When he came on the scene, he put America on notice that we cannot sit idle while another cold-blooded KKK member wrongs us or our government dehumanize us.
As a kid, I knew that when I heard the name Malcolm X, justice for us would come, "by any means necessary"!

 I am SO thankful for Mr. X, sacrificing his family, his time, his love of people and fairness, to make sure that we can be or do anything our heart desires, no matter what color, thank you Mr. X

T

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

Foster Kids Should Never Have to Appreciate What Youre Doing For Them



Credit: This was a great article, written by, W.R.Cummings,  for Phych Central on December 29th, 2018.

I wanted to share because I also tell my donors, this sometimes is a thankless job, we give because it's in our hearts, not for accolades or thanks. We can teach our foster youth to say thank you, but in the meantime, let's hope giving love will lead to a thank you.

Becoming a foster parent is not a decision to take lightly. It’s true that some foster kids come with destructive behaviors, aggression, and just generally bad habits. There’s a reason they came into care, and it’s often because of neglectful...

So when thinking about becoming a parent to these kiddos, it IS important to take into consideration how their behaviors might impact the lives of you and your family members.

HOWEVER….

When you make the choice to become a foster parent and choose to let the first foster child into your home, it’s important to remember that you made that choice and not the child.



Every time you have to put up with one of their behaviors, remember that you chose to deal with that. Every time you have to feed them, clothe them, or drive them to ten million appointments, remember that you committed to doing that before the first kid even walked through your door. When you have to wake up with them in the middle of the night because they have nightmares or they’re throwing up (even if it’s fake), you agreed to that.

Anything you’d do for your own child, whether by choice or by necessity, you also agreed to do for this child.

It’s not their fault they’re in foster care. It’s not their fault you have to buy twice as many groceries as you used to. It’s not their fault you have to drive them to therapy every week, even though they won’t say a word to the therapist. It’s not their fault they hate you. It’s not their fault they don’t like mushrooms. It’s not their fault your pets annoy them. It’s not their fault they don’t like your kids.

None of this is their fault. They didn’t ask for any of this.

And every single thing you do for them, you do it because you CHOSE to. Because you wanted to make a difference in the world.

You didn’t sign up for fostering because you wanted to be thanked and hugged every day. (Or at least, you shouldn’t have. You’d be an idiot to sign up for that reason because it rarely happens.) You also didn’t sign up for it with the expectation that these kids would recognize all the things you’re doing for them. (Again, you shouldn’t have. They have no idea all the things you’re doing for them because they’re kids and NONE of them understand all of what goes into parenting.)

You didn’t sign up for this because of you. You signed up for this because of THEM.

They won’t say thank you.
They won’t even know why they should say thank you.
And they really shouldn’t have to.

Your own kids wouldn’t say, “Hey, thank you for staying up all night to make this stupid ugly sweater for my Christmas party, which I chose not to wear at the last minute because it’s itchy.”

They’d be excited about it, put it on, and change their mind just like a foster kid would. And you wouldn’t have any resentment toward them for that. You’d be annoyed, but you’d do it again next time. You wouldn’t punish them emotionally for the rest of the day, and you wouldn’t try to make them feel small.

Foster kids should be allowed to act as normal and ungrateful and impulsive as every other kid on the planet does. Teach them to show appreciation for what they have, but don’t teach them that they don’t deserve the rights of a normal child.

Give them more than what’s required. Do more for them than the bare minimum. Love them with so much vigor that they’ll understand what relationships should look like when they go home.








Tanya

Executive Director

FosterKidsUniteInc@gmail.com

914-646-4638

www.fosterkidsuniteinc.com

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

FosterKidsUnite, Inc.: Advice for Abandonment Depression

FosterKidsUnite, Inc.: Advice for Abandonment Depression: Disclaimer: I am in no way doctor nor therapist,  Hey blog family!! have you checked our new site: www.fosterkidsuniteinc.com also if ...